We won't sleep together?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize