My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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