goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
