If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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