Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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