He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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