Banned from zoo.
Again?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
