I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
