God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
