Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
