Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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