omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
