No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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