Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
