you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
