for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
