I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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