yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
