; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
