I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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