Whatcha textin bout Willis?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We have started to decorate penises.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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