Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
