YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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