While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
