If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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