That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
