i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
