I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
