Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize