So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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