Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
