I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
