Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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