I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have post one night stand depression
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