Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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