I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
