Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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