Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
