shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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