You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
