we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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