Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's no shave November. This is our time.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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