I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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