my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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