Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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