Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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