I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
