Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
