I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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