Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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