you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
