she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
