i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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