Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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