Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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