I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
