Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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