2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
