I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
