Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
