How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
