Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
