3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
