I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize
