she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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