Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
