I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
