i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
