Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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