You're completely useless in the revolution.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
