Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
