He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
