I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize