What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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