you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
