She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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