you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
