sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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