Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
