we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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