dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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