hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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