porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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