Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
