I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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