so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
