Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
