dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
birth control should be required to get into college
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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