I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
