i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize