I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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