Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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