You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
