Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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