Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
