This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
