wat bout pragnant strippers??
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
