By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
