OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
